Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:37 am Post subject: Is this a real and common occurance ?
What do you do when you have been asked to lead a meeting and the very same people who asked you suddenly springs a ’surprise’ that has obviously been carefully planned but deliberately concealed from you ? this betrayal resulting with the members misunderstanding of the meeting and their obvious disfavor.
The next week after this ambush elections took place ... a calculated move.
This executive finally had a heart to heart with me. He confessed that he ambushed me on purpose because I was getting too big for my britches.
So what do you do when a colleague disrespects, takes advantage of trust and ambushes you in front of the entire league ?
What ever happened to a day when men would talk to you ... face to face and had their say and spoke their truth ? Instead their insecurities take hold and "BEEP" happens.
I am not interested in payback or revenge as that does not serve the league but I would like to gain some perspective ... Where do I draw the line ... he apologized but to trust him again or to work with him again would be untrue to me.
Any insights, advice ? Please post them here or PM me. _________________ One day of practice is like one day of clean living. It doesn't do you any good. ~Abe Lemmons
The more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle. ~Author Unknown
Joined: May 21, 2007 Posts: 6857 Location: ROCKLAND
Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:53 am Post subject:
I would first have kicked the ever living brown stuff out of him...then put all of my thoughts and the actual facts about what happened, down on paper. i would distribute this to ever member of the league, calling for their explaination at the next meeting...or you could do the same back to them...stand up at the next meeting and throw it all out on the table...make them explain themselves to the member body...then call out the "executive" that confided in you his true motive...make him tell the league what he told you...don't back down from this. Put him on the spot. And don't let up. Make sure everyone knows what is going on and what is happening behind closed doors....
We here in the MMDL have had issues with some prior members of the BOD and we took it to the memebers...had a petition signed for their removal, and had 3 new members stand up to take their places on the BOD...the old ways of doing things behind closed doors or without any accountability are gone. You can do the same thing....
Knowledge is power...make sure everyone in the league knows exactly what happened...then let them make the call as to whether you are getting to big for your britches. If they make the choice that you were wronged and that they want to oust those that did it...I am sure your bylaws have a way to do it...if they don't then it is time to pull the members together and have a revolt.....mind you that if it fails you will most likely be blacklisted and out of the league..but if it succeeds then you have got to get people yourself included to stand up and take the riegns if needed. Do not back down.... _________________ TREBLE MAKERS
Spring 2009 MMDL
TOP DIV. STATE CHAMPS
Joined: Jan 08, 2007 Posts: 1325 Location: Wilm. DE, USofA
Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:56 am Post subject:
I guess you thought darts was different than other politics?
Welcome to the world of ego and posturing.
Nice people do not fare well in this environment I'm afraid.
On the bright side - this makes you an official nice guy!! _________________ Author: "DARTS Beginning to End"
and "How to Master The Sport of Darts"
Developer: Flight School
Developer: Player's Tournament
George: you thought darts was different than other politics?
Yes, I did ... I thought the only place to compete was on the board. I was wrong.
DEREK: I would first have kicked the ever living brown stuff out of him...then put all of my thoughts and the actual facts about what happened, down on paper.
Although that would have felt good and justified ... it would have been his word vs mine and divided the league that I care about more than my ego.
Actually, he felt so badly about it that he says he is going to make a public apology. Still wont fix the problem of trust ... I may forgive him but I will not forget and perhaps never trust him again.
I wont fight for running for the league because I dont want the position so why fight for something that I dont want simply because it would hurt him. That, to my mind is immature behavior.
Time heals and I will use his own words to remind people of his trust worthiness OR I will gently pass on my truth let it spread through the grape vine. To do so in a more aggressive manner will only reek of desperateness. He has nothing that I want and the truth will come out one way or another .. it always does. _________________ One day of practice is like one day of clean living. It doesn't do you any good. ~Abe Lemmons
The more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle. ~Author Unknown
I think you should start your own league, just for the name alone...
Grey Owl Dart League.... GOD League, lol.
No, you can't ever trust him.. if he does apologize, no one else ever will either, and they will wonder if they should even trust the apology.
Over and over we all run into people with these kinds of attitudes and no scruples, etc, and short of Dereking him, there is little you can do that eliminates the problem. I tend to fight a while, come up empty, then withdraw, go into other circles, do other things. Until the majority want to get rid of the guy from any power, he will continue to wreak havoc on the community.
Trouble is, there is always another waiting in the wings to take his place even if you do oust him.... or her. _________________ My darts were born of father's play, decades later to leagues then led.
Though others helped, I can safely say, my darting life is SEWA bred.
I was once ambushed by a certain colleague and her click, and the way I dealt with it was head-on. I called her on everything, publicly, right then and there, demanding to know why she thought ambushing a "colleague" was an appropriate method when her office was just 20 feet from mine. I couldn't punch her, but I knocked her on her heels a bit by putting her on the defensive and refusing to just take her crap like others usually did. It was often a contentious environment due to this person, but she was never able to ambush me again.
If I were in your position, I would publicly demand his resignation. Sportsmanship is not limited to the oche, it should be the rule in league business as well. He's clearly a 'player' and you can't trust him, especially if he did it deliberately. I seriously doubt this person himself ever doubted that you'd be pissed off, and that he planned to offer an apology all along as the small price to pay (unless of course, you just accepted being treated that way).
Joined: Jan 05, 2006 Posts: 6801 Location: Houston, Wehaveaproblem, Texas
Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 2:07 pm Post subject:
I am likely the odd one out. But it would not bother me much. Trust is earned imo. He would just fall under the "not to trust" banner and my life moves on.
People do stuff for what ever reason and justification. I tend to not give value or worth to something a person did in malice to me. Sounds flippant I know but I happen to be one of those people that reserves my frustration or emotion for people I actually care about. Makes sense to me.
I hope you sort it out best for yourself my feathered friend. BTW Those fellas that have no probs saying stuff like men aren't all gone _________________ The Kop End:Anfield
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